NOTAS
1 'The Undying Pain, vulnerability, mortality, medicine, art, time, dreams, data, exhaustion, cancer, and care', de Anne Boyer
 



“MY DEAR DISRUPTIVE CELL”, by JOVENDELAPERLA




Video Description: JOVENDELAPERLA recites his text as moving cell images and other medical image clips follow each other. The video is a collaboration between JOVENDELAPERLA and Elsa Estrella.



Over an unfathomable period of time, deep inside my organism, there was a turbulent uprising that I did not and could not know about. It was a tumour-led movement against the very system that governs my body’s natural processes, an act of violence against the prevailing order, impossible to detect by means of my senses and its language: a cellular Stonewall whose first demonstration took place on 24th December 2015, in the form of pneumonia.

It all started one day in the second rib on my right.

One of the trillions of cells operating inside my organism decided to come out fighting, to rebel against its own fate. Normally, with emphasis on the word ‘normal’, cells are docile elements that divide in an orderly fashion, they grow at a controlled rate, they do not leave their designated zones and, once worn down or damaged, they die, and are directly replaced by other cells.

This process repeats constantly.

- (IT) stop(s) being useful so that –

- over a set amount of time –

RIPEET
RIPEET
RIPEET THE PROCESS

UNTIL
UNTIL
YOU GET THE RIGHT RESULT                                                                                                                                           UNTIL


YOU GET THE RIGHT RESULT                                                                                                                                           UNTIL
UNTIL
UNTIL
YOU GET THE RIGHT RESULT

THE PROCESS DOES NOT MATTER BUT THE RESULT DOES
THE PROCESS DOES NOT MATTER BUT THE RESULT DOES

THE PROCESS
DOES NOT
MATTER
BUT THE RESULT
DOES


(‘Sinner’ by Arca plays)



THIS VERY SECOND THAT IT DIES
IT MIGHT JUST BE
THAT ONE OF YOUR CELLS IS OUT OF CONTROL
MUTATING OUT OF (YOUR) CONTROL

IT DOESN’T WANT TO DIE
IT DOESN’T WANT TO DIE
IT DOESN’T WANT TO DIE


JUST LIKE YOU and
JUST LIKE ME
and
JUST LIKE YOU and
JUST LIKE ME
and
JUST LIKE YOU and
JUST LIKE ME

(pause)

NOT
JUST LIKE YOU
and
NOT
JUST LIKE ME


IT (you) CAN IN FACT DECIDE NOT TO DIE
>

THE WHIM OF SUCH A DECISION
LED TO
THE ORIGIN OF ALL DISEASE
AND ITS ENIGMA

DISRUPTION BECAME SYNONYMOUS WITH REVOLUTION
AN INTRAVENOUS REVOLUTION
WHICH AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT
MIGHT RISE UP IN YOUR ORGANISM SOMEHOW
IT MIGHT BE HAPPENING RIGHT THERE
RIGHT NOW

IT MIGHTMIGHTMIGHT
BE RISING UP
BUT YOU CANNOT HEAR IT
IT MIGHTMIGHTMIGHT
BE RISING UP
BUT YOU CANNOT SEE IT
IT MIGHTMIGHTMIGHT
BE RISING UP
BUT YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND IT

YOU WANT TO BUT you can’t
YOU WANT TO BUT you can’t


FEEL THE IMPOTENCE OF DISOBEDIENCE,
LET’S SHARE TO UNDERSTAND
THAT RAGE OF TRYING TO HOLD A THING
BUT IT EVER SLIPS
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HANDS

(‘Lariat’ by Kamixlo plays)


LIL’ CROSS-DRESSERS SO TINY
ELUSIVELY AND SHYLY
BUT ALL GORGEOUS AND SHINY
THEY’RE DANCING
DRIFTING
ROUND EVERY SINGLE INCH OF YOUR BODY

UN-ASHAMED TERMITES
BOLD, INTRUSIVE
MOVING AROUND
WITH THEIR
BRAND NEW
DNA
AND THEY DON’T CARE
THEY DON’T CARE
ABOUT THE SIGNS EVERYWHERE
IMPENDING DOOM BEWARE

THAT THING, THAT THING YOU (NEVER) KNEW IS NO LONGER THAT THING.
THAT PERSON, THAT PERSON YOU (NEVER) KNEW IS NO LONGER THAT PERSON.


NEW FUTURES
NEW ARCHITECTURES
NEW POETRY
WITH EXTRA CELLS

EMPHASIS ON THE WORD EXTRA

LITTLE RAVE LIGHTS
INDETECTABLE INVISIBLE
STICKY CARESSES
IN BODIES INFESTED
WITH THIS CHAOS
ORGANISMS INUNDATED
BLOCKED AND FLAGGED
THEY LOSE FOLLOWERS
THE FAITHFUL
AND THEN THEY STOP WORKING


BUT DON’T YOU WORRY
ALL THIS IS MERE
PRESUMPTION
SPECULATION

THE LANGUAGE ISN’T HERE YET
THE LANGUAGE ISN’T HERE YET

I remember waiting my turn, sitting in a dark green armchair in the oncology ward at my hospital. It had only been two weeks since I was in intensive care because of a lung problem, but after various operations I was given the all-clear. At no point had I ever suspected what they were about to tell me there in the consultation room; such a future had never crossed my mind. I assumed it would just be a simple check-up, all because I had no idea what the word ‘oncology’ meant. I was unaware of the vast universe that revolved around this word.

I was slightly on edge, as is normal in a hospital, but while I was waiting my turn I actually felt fine - you feel pretty relaxed about these things when you’ve recently been given the all-clear. Minutes later, in the consultation room, the oncologist was saying the word ‘malignant’ alongside the word ‘tumour’ and then the word ‘cancer’; suddenly I was being declared categorically unwell, even though I was feeling categorically fine, language can be so blunt.

UNKNOWN MASS > TUMOUR > MALIGNANT > CANCER

At that point you do not have a solution to a problem, you have a specific name for a life that splits into two.

Before that, you were one of many with an undiagnosed malaise, something which means, at least, that you can belong to a community of the generally ill. But from one moment to the next you are classified and moved to a new category, turning you into a new subject. Now you have a specific word which describes what is happening to you, inside your body. Your future is put on hold. Your present is the illness and the two options it offers you - either follow this track and become a patient, or carry on as before, being a “normal” person with an ever-growing tumour that is killing you.

Every undefined organism that dances among the nooks and crannies of language and its shadows, we live this process, and we are forced to enter into the veracity of language, in this case medical language.

THE CANCEROUS CELL IS MY OWN QUEER ORGANISM
PAR EXCELLENCE
MARXIST ACTIVISTS
LONG-LOST DAUGHTERS OF PAUL PRECIADO
WHO
OUT OF THE FEAR THAT THEY MIGHT BE IDENTIFIED
ARE STOPPED IN THEIR TRACKS BY MACHINES
WITH NAMES MADE UP OF LETTERS:

CT

PET

MRI

OR BY THEIR FELLOW CELLS
T LYMPHOCYTES
REPRESENTATIVES FROM THE GENERAL
IMMUNE SYSTEM

THE SAME MECHANISMS ONCE USED BY YOUR EMBRYONIC SELF
TO SURVIVE
ARE USED BY YOUR FUTURE TUMOUR TO ESCAPE

THE SAME MACHINES THAT DETECT LIFE
THAT DETECT THE EMBRYO FOR THE FIRST TIME
ARE THE SAME ONES THAT DETECT THE TUMOUR

NEW LITERATURE ABOUT BODIES
WITH NEW TERMINOLOGY
OF LIGHTS AND SHADOWS.

NEW ABORTIONS
WHICH SAVE LIVES AND DESTROY
IDENTITIES FOR A WHILE CREATING
THE FANCY DRESS OF THE SICK

THE DISRUPTIVE CELL BECOMES CARCINOGENIC
THE UNKNOWN MASS
BECOMES A TUMOUR
THAT CAN ONLY BE DEEMED
EITHER BENIGN OR MALIGNANT
IF IT’S BENIGN THERE’S NO DANGER
IF IT’S MALIGNANT YOU MUST BE TAKEN TO THE NEXT LEVEL
OF COMPLEXITY IN OPTIONS AND STAGES
YOU MIGHT BE, FOR EXAMPLE:

LARYNX CANCER,

STOMACH,
OESOPHAGUS CANCER
or

SKIN,
TESTICULAR,
UTERINE CANCER
or

LUNG,
PROSTATE,
KIDNEY CANCER
or

STAGE 1
STAGE 2
STAGE 3
STAGE 4

PEOPLE WHO ARE UNWELL, BUT WHO HAVE NOT BEEN DIAGNOSED, HAVE WORKED UP A WHOLE LITERATURE AROUND THIS ILLNESS WITH NO NAME, AND POETRY, AS WELL AS ACCOUNTS OF THEIR SEARCH FOR ANSWERS.

JUST LIKE HOW

METASTASIS IS THIS PURE ANARCHIST POETRY.

WHAT YOU WERE IS WHAT I AM
WHAT YOU WERE IS WHAT I AM
WHAT YOU WERE IS WHAT I AM


JOVENDELAPERLA Rubén Herranz Zúñiga (1996 - 2016) Perla Zúñiga (2016-ongoing). Artist, dj, and poet from Spain based in Berlin, Germany. They are the co-founder of the party collective CULPA and of the performance reading series Poem Room, created with the poet Mariano Blatt. They have just had their first solo exhibition at Yaby: “Tranquila no vas a poder describir en este momento, este momento” and they are currently preparing their first EP, an exploration around poetry, language and the club universe, working with producers such as Lechuga Zafiro.